First and foremost, sex is for marriage. Ephesians 5:31-32 (quoting Genesis) "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 1 Thessalonians 4:3–8 reinforces this with the reminder, “It is God’s will that you keep away from sexual sin as a mark of your devotion to him” (1 Thessalonians 4:3, GW).
So the place to begin if you are single is to value your future sexual love by protecting your present integrity. Bill and I said “Yes!” to obeying God’s guidelines before marriage by wholesome dating with lots of safety, being together—in PUBLIC: walks on the beach, picnics in a park, lunch at sidewalk café, candlelit dinner by the fire in a nice restaurant—public places before marriage will protect private moments after marriage.
For married couples, God gives only a few clear commands on what is and isn’t permissible with the gift of sex he created. Instead of a list of “no-no’s” let’s look at his guidelines in the affirmative:
Extend it in love. No one should ever feel forced or coerced in sex. The sex acts should reflect love, not demean or inflict pain. Sex is a relationship to be protected not a person to exploit. Hebrews 13:4 reminds: Marriage must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled.
Secure it with privacy. Sex should only be you two alone. Your marriage bed is yours and yours alone (no other partners, no pornography, no mommy porn, no fake imitations of body parts). Why settle for anything fake when you can create the real thing live and in person? When it comes to grey areas, things not specifically forbidden, applying 1 Corinthians 6:12 is a smart choice:
Once you are in agreement with each other and God, then saying “Yes!” is a wonderful emotional investment that accumulates interest over time. Choose one of these fun ideas from Red Hot Romance Tips for Women as a way to say “Yes!” and invest in your love:
-Write Yes! on the sidewalk squares as it leads to the front door.
-Write Yes! on a poster board on the inside garage door.
-Get a red heart shaped balloon and have it delivered to the office or place on his desk, in his car, or on the front door and in the note write your “Yes!”
-Write Yes! on the steam on the mirror. Write Yes! in lipstick, and seal with a kiss on the mirror (or rearview mirror of his car)
-Write Yes! in full color and create a photo invitation using a website like picmonkey.com or your computer graphic program.
-Call his cell when you know he can’t answer and say, “If you ask me tonight, the answer is “Yes!”
- Make a series of “Yes!” sticky notes (you can get them in bright pink or shaped like hearts) and place them in random places along his daily path
Marriage educators Jay and Laura Laffoon, authors of He Said, She Said, have a creative “Yes!” they give out at conferences—a blinking red heart you can place on your spouse’s pillow.
Family Life’s Dennis and Barbara Rainey encourage a clear “Yes!” by lighting a candle on their side of the bed to indicate interest. Bill and I collect candles from places we travel, so if we are “in the mood” one of us can light these candles throughout the house as a clear, “Yes!”
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